<div 08.08.24> first dates | what i'm listening to | and recent thoughts & learnings
(1) i truly love first dates (2) here's what i've been reading, listening, and watching recently (3) intrusive thoughts about personal growth and emails
first dates
i love first dates. (i know my husband is going to read this and make a pointed comment). so in honor of that, here’s a picture from the early stages of dating.
and this week i’ve seen several reminders about first dates, like this tiktok video on a friend recreating her first date the week of her wedding. right now, i’m sitting at this coffee shop studying for my wine class, and i can’t help over hearing this conversation next to me from a couple very clearly on a first date. i’m smiling because it’s so cute ◡̈ they’re learning each others hobbies, talking about their grandparents, analyzing the way they show up in conversation…i’m feeling giddy just sitting here.
the anticipation of meeting a new human in a vulnerable space is just magical. i think the reason i love first dates so much is because you can never really get that moment back. the nerves, the awkwardness, having little idea about their reactions — all of it is a learning experience that is revealed through the curiosity of both people at the table.
that’s not to say all first dates end “well” or “successfully”. but i don’t think that’s ever the point of the first date for me. it’s to really meet people and get to know them. so truly, the first date has very little to do about me and all about the other person. and i love meeting people.
case in point of first dates not always going so well: ~7 years ago, i told my now husband that i thought getting a phd was not a worthwhile option (i might’ve forgotten to stress the fact that that’s how i felt about MY life). and he was a first year phd student. so 🤷🏽♀️
things i’ve read or listened to this week that i’d recommend
1. 🔗 no small talk:
no small talk is “a conversation club centered around short-form media. We discuss podcast episodes, articles, essays, book chapters, and more. Through conversations about some of life's biggest ideas and experiences, we skip the small talk, creating a space for making friends, leisure, discovery, and curiosity. To learn more about how it works, click here.”
i’ve been following miriam on tiktok for a while now, and i love her insights and takeaways from the content she consumes. i came across this group and i love everything it stands for. i’m thinking about applying. i think what i’m more keen to get out of this is (1) being part of a space with humans that allocate time in their live to reflect and not just consume content and (2) bettering my language and the way i communicate my reflections through conversation and writing
2. call her daddy episode with aly raisman
aly talks about her path to being a gymnast in both a matter of fact and emotional way. i love that she acknowledges and recognizes the rigor required of her as a human in her career as a gymnast, but in the same breath weaves in that she was bullied and had insecurities that every girl can relate to. apparently the feeling of having arms too big to wear tank tops doesn’t discriminate on size due to muscle or fat, go figure.
3. seven husbands of evelyn hugo
i was surprised at how much i enjoyed this book and how differently it ended up being. i fully expected this book to be kind of vain and not that deep (as gen z would say). turns out the theme of the book and how i felt is “complicated emotions” and being able to hold multiple feelings for a character and their actions. i have a longer review on goodreads, but surprisingly easy read to explore growth, relationships, and how we use what’s given us.
4. the ezra klein show
did you know that the democratic vice president pick tim walz hadn’t been to san francisco until July 2024?! i learned this and more on this episode of the ezra klien show:
5. the drive - longevity 101: a foundational guide to Peter's frameworks for longevity:
i’m sad that i knew of hubberman daddy but not peter attia (oops). a friend recommended this episode as a good high level view of peter attia’s work.
this is a dramatic over generalization (but let’s be real that IS me): i’ve often found the recommendations on how to optimize life span comes at the cost of obsessing over this optimization to the point where you’re not even enjoying your life…. a lot people in the space seem to boil down the research into these punchy things that are easily shareable like “touch grass every day” and that kind of content is annoying to me.
peter’s work and insights have a nuanced take that i appreciate. i’m impressed with his ability to keep the relevant detail while having high level insights and opinions. i think i’d like to come back to specific episodes that deep dive into things i’m most interested in.
recent learnings & thoughts
🤓 learnings
i think my biggest learning during my sabbatical is how non-commital i want to be. i feel like i burned myself out so hard both professionally and personally that what brings me most joy in life is to autonomously and sporadically participate in spaces that energize me in that moment. the freedom to have the ability to do what i want to do is very important to me. i like taking some classes, reading various books, participating in a few seminars - but not being tied down to any of them.
this often means that i don’t always have something tangible to show for how i’ve been spending my time (ie: a set of objects from a pottery class i’ve done for 6 months or improved mile times from the run club i’ve joined). and i think i’m ok with that. i can’t yet put into words the fulfillment i get in living my life so freely, and i think it’s because all my life i have been conditioned to only talk about impact in quantifiable terms.
💭 thoughts
what a privilege it is to not measure what I did today against capitalism but rather what made my heart happy and fulfilled.
unrequited text conversations are funny. you know when you text a friend in panic and they respond thoughtfully…only for you to never respond back because that moment is gone. there’s something special about those moments. yes, your friend probably put in effort and time to respond and tend to your needs. but the situation’s been reversed too: i see a frantic message from a friend needing help, so i spend time curating a kind, active listening response. only to hear no reply. and that’s ok. i don’t think it was ever about the responses or the conversation. it was knowing that someone was there to listen, to process, and accept you. friendships that acknowledge and accept these unanswered texts are the real ones.
one of my challenges with audiobooks is not being able to recognize that i’m reading a new chapter. when reading physical books I can see the title but it’s not always so clear. this then got me questioning the importance of chapters in a book…more on that later maybe.
there is so much joy in having a clean inbox. i’ve been spending a good amount of time each day unsubscribing from all these emails that i’ve apparently subscribed to in the last 10+ years.
more thoughts coming your way soon,
— divs
Is the recommending friend vikram?